I was the Queen, now -a mere servant.
I was the sun, now -a roach.
I was begged for, now -shrugged off.
My Heart has been stomped on, and its a circle. A never ending ring. Make, break. And repeat. I have tasted it, and I want more, but the well has dried up.
Or rather, it is full to the brim, tantalizing, refreshing, glistening. In my reach, but as I run towards it, its just a mirage. A cruel reminder of reality's slap.
And a sharp slap it was. Made me bleed a little, on the inside. I was never this weak, pathetic thing. I was better than this.
Apparently not.
All I can do, is stare at the well, and others like it. I can magic the contents out, but its getting harder and harder for the 'blink your eyes' magic trick. Soon, I will have no control, non at all. Soon, it will be over.
Playing hard to get, was never this difficult. How the fuck did I mange it before? It works you know, just FYI.
I want to stop arguing. Stop fighting. Just sink into bliss, stand on my tiptoes for a kiss, and reminisce.
But this is life, specifically mine.
Hopeless Romantic?
Hopeless would be exactly right.
Anyway.
Back to my sulking.
Thanks for dropping by.
No, this is not how I usually write.
CLG.
Ps- If you did not understand a single thing, thats okay. My brain is retarded.
And the anxiety and insecurity that comes with making hard decisions between rocks and hard places... and the anxiety that comes with taking actions that will in fact significantly change things for more than just yourself, and the knowledge that you'll have to take responsibility for the consequences.
ReplyDeleteIt seems something you wanted to go in your favor didn’t happen in that way, it is about your desire Vs reality. Our desire has no boundaries even sometimes we forget to realize the importance of some bare facts. You can bear lose of anything materialistic but losing someone’s love and concern is difficult to tolerate. But the least thing you can do is to hope for the best.
Regards
Its creepy how right you are Mobeen.
ReplyDeleteExcept I cant see you user profile OR blog.
Weird.
I fully understand what you're saying and how reality restricts you from fully exploring your desires. Sorry if this is a little personal, but if this this about you and your, say for the lack of words, intimate-other or someone in the same ballpark, have you tried discussing with the aforementioned person how he feels about this? I see the emotions involved are particularly very intense and hence leading me to think this is about a heart-break perhaps? By your writing it seems like you have been treated inequitably and something or the other happened that you did not deserve. Have you tried to explore the reason behind the person treating you like this? By the looks of it, this was not unforeseen; rather you knew it was coming onto you but you decided to either take it head on or find a way around it, which.. well, did not quite work out well. I was just debating on the topic of 'trust' with a fellow person and someone spoke the following words: 'Relationships are based on the consistency of past events' and well even though the person did not have an 'all-that' mnemonic of her 'friend', and despite being treated not very appropriately, she still had enough respect for him on basis of their friendship and subconsciously or not, she repeatedly fought back with suggestions leading her not to trust him anymore. I find this incident kind of related to your story, and feel that the aforementioned phrase 'Relationships are based on the consistency of past events' is debatable; past occurrences in life are not linear; people's emotions and attitude are subject to change due to external pressure from, well almost everything hence judging a person too quick would be more of a fault. However by that i don't mean to persuade any person to go back to a 'bully who beats the crap out of them consistently due to his unfavorable ongoings' but if a friendship is worth a good deal of respect and trust, don't ever let it go and I'm sure you're doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry there's a correction in my post above;
ReplyDeleteshe still had enough respect for him on basis of their friendship and subconsciously or not, she repeatedly fought back with suggestions leading her not to trust him anymore.
By this i meant she fought back AGAINST the suggestions that persuaded her not to trust him anymore.
Wow Anon, some of what you say is pretty spot on, but some of it, not so much.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback though. Appreciate it.